I had just finished grinding the eternal coffee beans when Major Hardy walked in the door, his uniform crisp and his hair short, his new look as base commander still intact. Miss Fairleigh greeted him and handed him a cup of my hard won of coffee as he sank into a chair.
“I’ve got some news,” he said placing his hat on his chair. “My replacement will be arriving in a few weeks. I used to know him in San Diego where we both trained. He was a great guy and very good natured, but I hear that may have changed.”
“What do you mean,” asked Miss Fairleigh a frown creasing her brow.
“After San Diego they assigned him to some sort of disciplinary job on a bad outfit and he did well with it so they have turned him into some sort of disciplinary specialist. I hear it’s done things to him.”
“What sort of things?”
“Well, I don’t know exactly, but he may be hard to get along with. He’s finished with a job at another training base and Major Brandt should…..”
The last part of his sentence was cut off as I dropped a large marmite lid into the sink with a huge clang.
“Good gracious,” Miss Fairleigh said. “Do be more careful, Miss Winthrop.”
That night, although exhausted from the unremitting work I lay awake wondering at the odds. That Matthew Brandt was really coming to the Third AIC in spite of all the other places he could have gone. But the more I thought about it, I knew that this group at Issoudon was greatly in need of this vaunted firm hand. But I also knew that firm hand would run afoul of Bazz who was a formidable opponent in every way. In fact, I was not sure that men like Bazz did not always win. That had certainly seemed the case back in Chicago. Perhaps, that is why I reluctantly admired Granpapa in spite of his dictatorial ways. At least he had earned his stature, moving up from a very modest beginning to the heights of Chicago society on his wits and industry alone.
I also thought of that night in Paris with Matthew, the walk in the darkened city, and the intimate dinner at the tiny café. I now understood his flashes of pessimism that night. I understood he was as changed as I was. But one thing was certain, the fact that I knew the new Chief Officer of Flying would remain behind locked lips. That was no one’s business but mine.
Major Hardy continued to excel in his new job as base commander in a way he never had in his old one. By March a new barrack town had mushroomed over the landscape. There was now a hospital, headquarters, a commissary, hangers, roads and even duckboard walks on which we could travel and not sink into the spring mud. The Red Cross building was changing too. Under Miss Fairleigh’s urging a second building was being erected behind the canteen. The two were to be joined by a new kitchen.
Not only the kitchen was new, but we had a French cook which meant we were no longer eating out of cans. Tonight, Gabrielle had prepared a dinner of stewed rabbit, potatoes and onions and the three of us were eating enthusiastically, dipping crisp bread into the stew to get up every last drop.
Miss Fairleigh had been inspecting the new building, and she looked elated, her eyes bluer than ever. “It should be ready in about a week. We’ll use this kitchen for a storeroom and keep the rest of the space as it is now for a daylong canteen. The new room will be a big dining room. Major Hardy wants us to run a mess there for his staff, the monitors and the flying cadets.”
My heart sunk. There were no more hours in the day. “Can we do all that?”
“Yes, and that is the best news of all. Paris is sending us four more girls.” She turned to me with a smile. “And Valerie I am going to make you Chief Instructor. It will be your responsibility to see that the new girls are trained and assigned properly.”
I felt my face flush, and my heart beat wildly. I could think of nothing in my entire life to date that had pleased me more than this vote of confidence. That moment in the steel mill flashed before my eyes, but the present reality pushed it away. Someone had seen something in me that really mattered and rewarded it. I could have hugged Miss Farleigh’s spare, stiff frame. Energy poured through me, and I wanted to jump up from my chair and start my new job right away. Unfortunately, I had to wait for the arrival of my new charges.
Later as I slipped the bags of coffee into the boiling water, I looked out over the canteen, which now felt like my kingdom. It was the usual sort of evening, Gil at the piano and Len beside him. At the counter a new face talked so earnestly to Rosie that the others moved away. It was time to gather cups. I looked around the crowd and did not see Bazz. And why did I feel that twinge of disappointment at his absence? When I was with him, I always felt excitement, a lure that made life seem sparkling and urgent. When he was gone, however, I was left with the feeling that somehow every moment was adding to a debt that I would be asked to pay at some later date. Yet always in the back of my mind was the feeling that I could recapture once more the ease of our time in the infirmary.
I went out into the crowd picking up cups around the piano, and then headed for the few scattered ones at the other end of the room.
“Still working I see.” From behind the stove Bazz rose and came forward.
“Bazz.” I hated the way my heart jumped, and the feeling of guilt that I had never gotten rid of ---- that he was Rosie’s first. I glanced over at the counter.
He sighed in irritation. “For God’s sake. I’ve paid that one principal and interest. See that guy talking with Rosie? He’s new --- just came today --- good looking, isn’t he? He’s a friend of mine, and I sent him to her with orders to give his all. I’ve reserved two seats in this corner and we’re going to use them.”
I hesitated, attracted by the offer, but repelled by his assurance that all would go his way as always. “All right,” I temporized, “but only for ten minutes.” I quickly dropped into the outside chair, placing the basket of cups between the two chairs.
“Damn it, Val. I’m not an ogre.”
“That’s just it. I don’t know what you are. For instance, why are you here?”
“What do you want to know for?”
“I just want to know something concrete about you.”
“I was eager just like everyone else. Quit college and went in for flight training.”
“Why?”
“I wanted to fight, but I want to do it my way. Mass cannon fodder doesn’t appeal to me. That’s why I went in for the air stuff.”
“Maybe even aviators can’t have their own way in a war. Major Hardy ….”
“Major Hardy tried and got nowhere with that soldier stuff. He tried when he first got here, but when he found out we wouldn’t take it he quit. He’s really a good guy. While he was our boss, he wore his cap like a drunk on the morning after and forgot to shine his shoes. Now since he’s been kicked upstairs, he’s all spiffed up again.”
“But Bazz, someone has to say what’s to be done.”
“Not to me they don’t. I know what I want. Any minute could be our last, and I don’t plan to let any go to waste. Do you know that the average life expectancy in combat is two weeks? I am going to do what I want before my two weeks arrive.”
“But life is wasted when men drink or are tired and then fly.”
“The difference is that they choose it.’
“Are you so sure you don’t choose it for them?”
“Yes, if I was that powerful, I would have chosen something for you and me long before this.”
Bazz looked hard at me and in confusion I lowered my eyes. Here it was again. That feeling of being in a game I would never know how to play. I might leave home and come halfway across the world, I might handle a hard job and win responsibility, I might experience things my family never dreamed of, but a man could still make me feel awkward, tongue-tied, out of place. Trixie would have known how to handle Bazz. She would have said just the right thing, done the right thing. I could see her now standing in front of the mirrors that flanked either side of the front door, patting her skirt, pushing a last curl into place.
“Come on Trixie, we’re going to be late.”
Trixie just laughed, gave her skirt another brush and put on her coat. “Val, you are always in such a rush, I don’t like to leave until quarter till because we get there so early.”
I knew this wasn’t true, but I didn’t say anything. The real reason we didn’t leave until quarter till was that with careful planning Trixie could just happen to meet up with Larry Duncan on the way to school. The three of us would then walk along together, Larry and Trixie chatting away while I would be in an agony of embarrassment. I hated being a third, trudging along behind the twosome on the narrow sidewalk, but knew that if I did not stay with Trixie, I would hear about it from Nanny.
This morning was no exception. I dragged along behind them until we entered the high school building, and I was set free. I could only hope that Trixie’s attention would turn to someone else and I would be spared that walk to school. It was bound to happen soon. Trixie had to be the most popular girl at the University High School.
I set off down the hall towards my locker and thought about how much I loved high school. It had almost been too good to be true that we had been allowed to come here. We were supposed to be tutored at home, but I had fought with everything I had to be permitted to go a regular school. Papa had been the hardest to convince, but surprisingly Mamma had taken my side, quietly abetted by Nanny and here the two of us were. Trixie had wanted this as passionately as I had but had left this battle for me to fight. “You will make it about academics which is what will convince them.” And then with a grin, “That is not why I want to go.”
It had brought a measure of freedom to my life that I had never had before. We could roam the halls during break, have classes with both boys and girls, and spend our study halls inside, or out in the courtyard. I might be awkward with the opposite sex outside the classroom, but within the confines of those rooms I gloried in the competition they engendered, and often found myself besting the boys in both grades and classroom discussions. I was even asked to join the debate team, but here Papa put his foot down firmly. No daughter of his was going to make a spectacle of herself in front of room full of strangers. He managed to make it clear that he also thought, as a girl, I would have no opinions worth listening too in any case.
There was also another side of high school that I enjoyed in spite of myself. It was fun to sit at the table in the big cafeteria at noon with the other girls, eating what I wanted and listening to the gossip about teachers and marks, teams and victories, and of course boys. And my table was never empty although it had nothing to do with me. They came to sit with Trixie’s sister, the sister of the girl whom boys admired. Girls hurried to get a seat at my table, asking about Trixie and hoping that she would sit there too. And the moment she did; not only would that table become the center of attention, but also the center of the fun.
During study hall I would rush to the library to my special window seat. From there I could watch Trixie walking in the courtyard. I always felt a pride in her success, and a sense of wonder at the ease with which she chatted with everyone. And as much as I hated to admit it, I too would have liked walking out in the sunshine with someone --- if there were anyone to walk with. But then I was not pretty as my family had made clear, and I would never know what to say in any case. I had to settle for just looking in from the outside.
Gil began playing “Allah’s Holiday” and the nostalgic rhythm pervaded the canteen and brought me back to the present. Home suddenly seemed a faraway place, and each of us so fragile, set adrift on events over which we had no control.
“We all have to count the minutes in this place,” said Bazz, his mood reflecting the music. I knew he was thinking of the flag draped coffins, the straggling marchers.
“There have been too many,” I whispered. “Too many.”
Bazz shifted in his chair, faced me, his eyes flashing. “And that number will go up when the bloodsucker takes over.”
“The who?”
“The new major, damn him. We have a new Officer in Charge of Flying and his reputation precedes him. His name is Brandt. His nickname is Branding Iron.”
“How did you find out?”
“From the trainees coming in. They’re from St. Maxaint, the cadet depot where he is currently playing God. He’s one of the worst. Thinks his mission in life is dressing up and punishing other people for being themselves.”
“But maybe ---- in a place like this --- in a war --- someone has to -----. We have to take a lot of bossing from Miss Farleigh.”
“Yeah. And you ought to hear what Rosie had to say about her.”
I heard my voice sharpen. “Is that what you and Rosie do? Spend your time whining about your bosses?”
He flushed. “We aren’t alone. I’m not anyway. The whole cadet detachment and most of the officers are laying for Brandt.”
The bugle sounded Tattoo, discordant against the piano. “That’s that,” I said standing up and reaching for my basket. The canteen began to empty. Bazz shrugged.
“I’ll follow the herd, but don’t think I’m going to bed like a two-year-old just because a bugle sounds taps. They won’t either, most of ‘em. After Taps the bon parties start, and the liquor flows. The major will need more than a branding iron.” He sauntered out the door. The last man out.
I thought of Matthew standing still and straight in front of the Hotel d’Iena saying goodbye. He would stand like that while they broke him, and I did not want to be here to watch. I raced about the room tossing cups with a clatter into my basket. I would have to wash them all before going to bed. Rosie came and stood by the sink.
“I had fun tonight.”
“So I noticed. He’s very attractive. What’s his name?”
“Oh, that second louie? Bob Michelson. I wasn’t thinking of him. Our new major is coming.”
“Yes --- I know.” I soaped my dishrag.
“A lot of guys say he is going to be pretty tough. Change a lot of things and make everyone get up early and stuff.”
I scrubbed a cup and rinsed it. Rosie continued.
“But that’s not what Bob says. He’s just come from St. Maixent where Major Brandt was his CO, and he says he the fairest officer in the AEF.”
I began to dry the cups.
“He’s also tall and good looking and a bachelor. From here on, you can have all the lieutenants you want. I’ll settle for one major.”
