One of the small irritations of retired life has been renewing my military ID card. Of course, I cannot do this by myself as I am but an appendage of my husband. So, every five years I must drag him to an office so that he can sign a piece of paper saying I am still his wife and eligible. However, this year proved to be different. As I was handed my new card, I was told that my renewal date was “indefinite.” The five year merry-go-round was over.
I do not know why this happened at this point in my life, and neither did the issuing official. Was I now so old there was no chance that I would run off with the pool boy, or my husband with the blond tennis coach? Or had I passed over some mysterious line known only to the Marine Corps.
However, I find that I like the term indefinite. It has a certain ring. And the fact of the matter is that my life at this age is pretty much indefinite all the way from what I do every day to how long I will be here to do it. Take my grocery shopping. That used to involve scheduled bi-weekly trips with planned meals for 14 days followed by hours of putting away the huge haul. Now I wander up to the store in a very vague manner, and decide on the spot what seems good for dinner ---- or not. We might just go out to eat instead at whatever hour suits us, rather than any proscribed dining hour.
Even the week itself is indefinite. Saturday is really no different from any other day of the week, except as a time to avoid errands which can be done with fewer crowds during the week. I admit I do miss the luxurious feeling of Friday night with work over and two glorious days in front of me. But not enough to go to an office once more.
Although I need to give myself permission, as old ways die hard, I can spend an entire day reading a compelling book from start to finish. Or I can browse a bookstore or the library to my heart’s content with no sense of a ticking clock.
I need to accept that other things have become indefinite as well, such as my eyesight, a blurred jawline, my knees, and my knowledge of current phrases and celebrities. But that is all right. Within these hazy, indefinite boundaries, I now have the ultimate luxury. That of just being myself.