(New chapter in the memoir)
I read an article recently in which the poet W. H. Auden was paraphrased as saying that paying attention was a form of love. This struck me as being a really important concept for those of us who now have a younger generation of family members in our midst.
Most of us are no longer responsible for the day-to-day raising of this newest generation, but we are responsible for having a role in their lives. We can pay attention. I remember a phase I went through at age nine when I lived in Washington D.C. My passion was collecting transfer tickets from the city-wide transportation system. I had dozens of the very uninteresting green tickets that I collected regularly on my streetcar route, but there were all sorts of other colors out there, and some of them were very rare and exotic to my nine-year-old mind. My grandmother knew of my collection to which she contributed, even encouraging her friends to save any of the more uncommon tickets. In this way I garnered a satisfying range of colors, but still out there was a brown one that I had only seen once, damply floating in a curbside puddle at my streetcar stop. Somehow that brown ticket became my holy grail.
And then one day, as I was dropped off for a visit to my grandmother’s apartment, she greeted me at the door with the sought-after brown ticket garnered from a friend who had taken a ride to the far reaches of the District. Our mutual pleasure was wonderful. At the time I thought it was natural for anyone to treasure this piece of paper, but I now realize that her pleasure came from my joy. She had paid attention to me, made me feel my endeavors were important, and was now basking with me in the resulting joy.
Over the years I have tried to pass on this form of love, learning in the process about the English Premier League (soccer), the intricacies of the breast stroke, Harry Potter, gymnastics, how to navigate New York City (a grandchild at NYU), the French Horn and marching band. Of course, I have been interested in learning about these things, but most importantly I have enjoyed the open windows these activities have given me into young lives. They have become a medium into which I can pour my love and affection.