We can have old things like old cars, old books, old furniture, old houses and old clothes. But we avoid the designation of old when referring to people. In order to avoid this, society has come up with some great euphemisms to dodge that dreaded word when connected to humans. Here are some of my favorites.
‘He’s 100 years young.’ A faint taste of condescension lingers around that phrase with the additional aura of cuteness. If he is really 100, he is not young he is old, and probably dealing with a multitude of things that the young person who invented that saying cannot begin to comprehend. I think of my 100 year old father-in-law gallantly setting forth on his walker to face the world with a determination that had nothing to do with being cute. He was old and he was facing it with courage.
‘Offering homes for those 55 years old and better.’ Better than what is the question this raises. Are we better than our younger contemporaries because we have lived this long? Will things get better the older we get? Will buying this house in a cantonment for (no, do not say it) old people mean that I am better than people who live in a neighborhood with tricycles and trick-or-treaters?
‘Discount rates on Wednesdays for senior citizens.’ Of course I am lining up to see that movie at half price. I may be old, but I am not stupid. But if I am a senior are those under 55 juniors? And will I only get that lower rate if I can prove I am a citizen?
‘Vacations for those in their golden years.’ Since almost ten percent of older people live below the poverty line, they certainly are not going on these vacations. Nor does their life seem very golden if they cannot afford to get the help they need as they age. If old age is golden, does that mean middle age is silver and youth is bronze? Everyone would rather have the gold medal rather than the silver or bronze, but in spite of that I doubt any twenty year old would desire to skip directly to his so-called golden years.
But what do we then call those of us that are ‘of a certain age?’ Old would be acceptable if it were not considered pejorative. And why should it be such a tainted word? After all, no one would turn down the gift of a golden vessel from Tutankhamen’s tomb merely because it was old. Its age and its metal gives it value. Yet I am not sure I want to be called an antiquity. At least not yet.
So after much consideration, my vote may go to a British term than I came across recently ------- ‘wrinklies.’ Don’t you think a sign on the local fabric store advertising ‘Discounts on wrinklie Wednesday’ has a certain ring? At least it proves that while we may have gotten older, we have at least maintained our sense of humor.